Romantic Relationships & Marriage

Relationship science is an interdisciplinary field studying close relationships including romantic partnerships, friendships, and family bonds. This scientific approach examines how relationships form, develop, and sometimes dissolve, identifying factors that predict satisfaction and stability (Berscheid & Regan, 2005).

Factors in Initial Attraction

Proximity: Physical nearness increases the likelihood of relationship formation.

Familiarity: The mere exposure effect suggests that repeated exposure increases liking.

Physical Attractiveness: A strong influence on initial attraction, often driven by the 'what is beautiful is good' stereotype.

Similarity: The 'birds of a feather' principle predominates over 'opposites attract'; similarity in attitudes and values predicts stability (Berscheid & Regan, 2005).

Reciprocity: We tend to like those who like us.

Online Dating: While changing the landscape, basic principles of attraction still apply.

Sternberg's Triangular Theory

Robert Sternberg (1986) proposed that love comprises three components: Intimacy (closeness), Passion (physical attraction), and Commitment (decision to maintain love).

Types of Love

Different combinations produce types such as Romantic love (intimacy + passion), Companionate love (intimacy + commitment), and Consummate love (all three).

Passionate vs. Companionate Love

Elaine Hatfield and Ellen Berscheid distinguished between intense passionate love and deep companionate love. Passionate love typically decreases over time, while companionate love can increase (Hatfield & Rapson, 1993).

Gottman's Research

John Gottman (2015) found that a 5:1 ratio of positive to negative interactions predicts stability. He distinguishes between 'Masters' and 'Disasters' of relationships.

The Four Horsemen

Destructive behaviors include Criticism (attacking character), Contempt (disrespect/mockery), Defensiveness (deflecting responsibility), and Stonewalling (withdrawing). Contempt is the strongest predictor of divorce (Gottman, 1994).

Maintenance Behaviors

Key behaviors include positivity, openness, assurances, social networks, and sharing tasks equitably.

Conflict is Inevitable

Gottman's research shows that 69% of marital conflicts are perpetual, meaning they are never fully resolved but must be managed (Gottman & Silver, 2015).

Constructive Conflict

Healthy couples use softened startups, repair attempts (humor or apology), and accept influence from their partner.

Destructive Patterns

Negative sentiment override, escalation, and invalidation can lead to relationship distress.

Communication Skills

Effective skills include 'I' statements, active listening, and emotional validation.

Predictors of Satisfaction

Satisfaction is driven by positive communication, shared activities, sexual satisfaction, and perceived equity.

Predictors of Stability

Stability is influenced by commitment, investment, and the quality of alternatives.

Investment Model (Rusbult)

Caryl Rusbult proposed that Commitment = Satisfaction + Investment - Alternatives (Rusbult et al., 1998).

Relationship Trajectories

While a 'honeymoon period' is common, some couples maintain high satisfaction long-term through intentional maintenance (Finkel, 2017).

Divorce Statistics

Approximately 40-50% of first marriages end in divorce, with higher rates for subsequent marriages (Gottman, 1994).

Risk Factors for Divorce

Factors include young age at marriage, low income, and negative communication patterns like contempt.

Protective Factors

Higher education, older age at marriage, and positive communication skills serve as buffers.

Effects of Divorce

Short-term distress is common, but long-term adjustment varies. Children's outcomes depend heavily on the level of parental conflict (Gottman & Silver, 2015).